tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post2700443988306267242..comments2023-12-21T17:45:14.194+00:00Comments on HOM...HOM...HOM....: When you don't like your childHome Office Mumhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18248456622235889204noreply@blogger.comBlogger61125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-28368409397596636002018-09-05T13:42:34.460+01:002018-09-05T13:42:34.460+01:00Wow, I could have written this article myself!!! S...Wow, I could have written this article myself!!! So relieved that others can relate! My son is also extremely difficult and there are days where I think: Why did I have a child?! I ruined my life! Of course, I love him to bits but the last 5.5 years since his birth were absolute hell most of the time. I know so much about parenting, we did attachment parenting, I never let him cry as a baby, he was always with me. Basically, I did everything "right" but he is so difficult to deal with. He is also extremely strong-willed AND highly sensitive AND gifted, which is a terrible combination... He's so emotional and afraid sometimes, but then also so self-assured and fearless on other times, it is exhausting. Also, he's a terrible eater and so picky. I could go on and on... When he has his tantrums, he's like a 2-year old who doesn't get his candy. I look so forward to when he's older and hopefully more "grounded" and more compliant... I wish you strength and all the best!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-4553987743825664062016-08-23T19:36:06.833+01:002016-08-23T19:36:06.833+01:00I am SOOO glad I am not the only one. My son is 15...I am SOOO glad I am not the only one. My son is 15. He was a very well behaved little kid. His dad and I split up when he was 9 and it turned our house upside down. My son never acted outwardly, he was very moody and lied to cover his dad's antics. I was no help at the time. But just as I think things are finally getting better, we are right back to my son outwardly hating me. He has never said it out loud but you can tell by the way he talks, looks at me. I had him in counceling for awhile to try to get his moodiness out to no avail. I just really pray that he doesn't grow up to treat his girlfriends/wife the way he treats his mom. I love my son dearly. I cannot stand his personality though. :(Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-53703948985463860692015-04-26T21:15:04.279+01:002015-04-26T21:15:04.279+01:00Thank god im not the only one... its not that I do...Thank god im not the only one... its not that I don't like my child because I love her, I just dont like the way she acts because she can be absolutely amazing/lovely/helpful/cute at times but it feels like most of the time she is having a strop, answering back, being nasty to me and her dad or her little brother. She cant share (even though we have talked about it numerous times) she has to win everything or be first for everything and if she isnt she will cry, she will cry at almost everything. For example her dad asked her to go upstairs so I could take her to bed and when she got to me she started crying because apparently her dad didnt love her anymore (just because he said, and I mean said...not shouted or anything "go upstairs to your mum") she will cry if we say "yes just a minute" because what she wants isnt happening instantly. Weve spoken to her so many times about crying at everything and weve told her that she cries so often that when she really is hurt or upset we wont really care or we wont know because it happens soooo often. I literally cant count how many times today its been. Its driving me up the wall!! she does whinge abit at school but shes no where near as bad as at home and she is really clever, one of the top in her class. She has friends and is really sociable but I just dont get the bad attitude and sadness!!! Oh she is 4 years old by the way. She acts like a spoilt teenager!! Arghh I hope it gets better :'(Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-69543176426604764652015-02-11T04:10:23.578+00:002015-02-11T04:10:23.578+00:00Hahahahaha! That lady from July 9th obviously had ...Hahahahaha! That lady from July 9th obviously had very easy children. God bless her. <br />With all do respect, you don't know me from Adam and every person who knows me knows I put my child first. I drive an old car. Changed careers to make less money so that I would have flexibility with time. I have family members I could easily pawn her off on , but I don't because she's worse without structure. I've been to classes based on parenting children with ADHD. I saw 3 doctors before I accepted a diagnosis. I spend hours after she goes to bed to find alternatives to medicine. I love that little girl. Not an hour goes by that I don't make sure everything I'm doing is best for her. <br />With that being said, if I was 7 there is no way I would want her at my slumber party. <br />Janey!!!https://www.blogger.com/profile/14494858206414562070noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-41930806768750897922015-02-11T03:57:17.874+00:002015-02-11T03:57:17.874+00:00I'm crying as I'm reading all of these. I ...I'm crying as I'm reading all of these. I googled "what to do when you don't like your child". I'm a single mom to a beautiful 7 yo girl that is mean, angry and out of control 90% of the time. She's full blown ADHD, but the meds we've tried make her depressed and withdrawn. She's brilliant and she scares the shit out of me. Where is this going to lead when hormones hit? They say He doesn't give you more than you can handle, but God must think I'm pretty bad ass because this is so hard. I've tried so many things. Taking things away, spanking, adding chores, positive reinforcement charts, tough love, I've tried to be very soft and honest. I'm so lost, and I feel guilty that I just want a break from her. Just one weekend without the headaches from the attitude. I'm just relieved I'm not alone.Janey!!!https://www.blogger.com/profile/14494858206414562070noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-90141290206886522112013-08-14T07:11:16.667+01:002013-08-14T07:11:16.667+01:00Ok where to begin... My son is a very happy child ...Ok where to begin... My son is a very happy child but plays too much to the point to where i just cant handle it anymore and being "not in control" of a situation is what really stresses me out, especially when it comes to my own 6 year old boy. For instance tonight after reading him a book he diliberatley put his foot in my face up my nose and said SMELL MY FEET HAHAHAHAH, i slammed the book shut and left the room. I'll bend down to pick something up and out of nowhere this crazy kid is running 50 miles an hour to jump on my back from across the house. Or he will put his butt in my face and fart, or run outside naked shaking his junk. Its like everything is a joke to him. I dont think he has an ounce of respect for me. He is going through alot though and im hoping its the reason he feels like he has to get my attention in everyway. His grandpa just passed away, his dad has retinita pigmintosa which is going to cause him to go blind within 10 years, his father and i just went through a divorce about 5 yrs ago and i recently re-married and have a now 5 month old at the house. But it cant be lack of attention because i am always doing stuff with him like swim, play baseball, hike, go to the park.. Ect but he is constantly on my back, mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom! And in the last month or so he's been going through this licking fase where he licks everything and i have tried everything in the book to get it to stop but it hasnt worked, i have ignored, said its ok honey, gotten angry, and the list goes on.maybe i thought he has a serious problem because i would look and see him lick something without my knowing i saw. BUT now iv noticed he says he licked something and he hadnt really done it! So i said ok just stop telling me honey its ok that you do it i just dont want to know about it but now literally every 2 min he say "mom, i touched this and then licked my hand" then yesterday i looked at him and he blatently licked his palm slowly all the way to his finger.... I wanted to give him a knuckle sandwich! I do think parenting is hardest job in the world especially because we woman have lots of emotions and ponder on the little stuff lime will i raise him right? Will he bhave problems?? I pray for each and eberyone of you!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-22644903831796140332013-07-10T10:46:04.287+01:002013-07-10T10:46:04.287+01:00THANK YOU for writing this, it is very timely afte...THANK YOU for writing this, it is very timely after the last 48hrs inmy house. My daugther is a highly sensitive child (4 years old) and I am struggling at the moment with it, I have days where all the "right" words come out and other days where I just want to exit stage left. To hear someone else say what I am thinking is very comforting - it is normal - Hooray! I would love to know how things are several years down the line. As mothers we put on the brave face and appear like all is well - where as in fact many of us are struggling silently with the same issues and dilemas. If we shared we would all be better people/mothers and stronger - however the fear of appearing to fail or be seen as a mad mother and not coping is stronger. We are not failures for having these struggles but as you say human. The world needs our children - they will be the "caring" proffesions, the leaders who lead not by the loudest voice but by the way they encourage, see the other side and empathise. Deep in my heart I dopn't want my daughter to toughen up and just get on with it - I want the world to do the adapting and changing and embrace her and her sensitive companions - after all they have valid, important feelings and views! However while in the grips of their big feelings it is very hard to see this better picture and that there will be happiness beyond the tears.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-82777745964772336092013-07-09T19:01:13.425+01:002013-07-09T19:01:13.425+01:00So you had nothing to do with raising them? What ...So you had nothing to do with raising them? What kind of world have we made when mother's say such things of their children and are supported by others. I have something to say about you mothers of today, your kids never came first, second or third with you, your jobs, material things, and status came first, second and third, your children taking a fourth seat, and then you wonder what happened and you probably still don't get it. You say you think your parents thought you vile, I agree.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-74622514206452218902012-12-19T22:04:20.652+00:002012-12-19T22:04:20.652+00:00Finding this blog is a blessing. I was feeling so ...Finding this blog is a blessing. I was feeling so alone. My heart breaks and I am so sad so often by my Childs unhappiness and anger. We have 3 other children who are happy and kind. My daughter is 10, she is so wonderful in so many ways but the ways she is difficult is just so difficult. I spend too much time in my room crying in secret because of the guilt I feel for not kmowing how to make her happy. She makes every family vacation, outing or function awful with her behavior and treatment of the rest of us no matter what it is. I feel so hopeless. I could never imagine a family function without her presence yet her presence makes every function pure hell. Just in decorating the tree the other night she caused fights and yelled and treated everyone awful and basically made this family memory like all others chaotic and hard. Thank you for this I feel much less alone and able to express feeling I have kept to myself out of guilt. I feel like a complete failure w. Her no matter what I do or try doesn't work. And I fear as she grows she will only hate me and resent me. I'm comforted in k owing im not alone.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-28404940532591032962012-12-16T22:18:27.085+00:002012-12-16T22:18:27.085+00:00I have an 11 year old son who is vile to me and h...I have an 11 year old son who is vile to me and his dad and most of all his brother.Reading these stories have made me feel less alone-tonight he lost his memory stick he uses for school and as a result he Had the most frightening melt down , screaming the house down which made my husband lose it and chase my son around the house-I had to jump between them and made my husband leave the room-I was shaking, my husband was shaking my poor 6 year old was crying and shaking but the 11 year old just said "make sure you get me another memory stick tomorrow" -he lacks any kind of empathy , rude to everybody (behaves at school) JUST does not seem to care how his behaviour affects his family- physically assaults me and his little brother and I am heartbroken-thanks for listeningAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-61908830822867865822012-11-13T08:53:49.677+00:002012-11-13T08:53:49.677+00:00Thank you for your honestly xxx Obviously your pos...Thank you for your honestly xxx Obviously your post was much needed when you look at the response it has generated. There are days when I wish I could turn back time & not have had my eldest child. I wonder how different our family dynamics would be. Yet I have other days when I just want to hold him tight & never let go. Truth be told, I have fewer of the 'never let go' kind of days. My son is 8 & the eldest of 4. He knows how to push ny buttons that's for sure! I just worry about how my reaction to his behavior effects my other children & my marriage (to his father). I just live in hope that 'this too shall past' and do the best I can. Thank you again for sharing xxx VTAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-81628358827750472102012-11-02T01:26:01.190+00:002012-11-02T01:26:01.190+00:00I cried when i read your post. My daughter and I ...I cried when i read your post. My daughter and I are like oil and water. She says that she acts this way because of me. I have tried counseling, therapy, we even did some time medication for mood disorders. I hate my home life when she is at home. There are rare days that she is wonderful. Our home is constantly in turmoil. I think all the time that I am the most terrible person for feeling like I do not like my child. She is beautiful, smart, talented and is thought to be an angel by everyone else, but at home she is a totally different. It is like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde.someone out therehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17064998450461150197noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-34266049707781301982012-10-29T20:07:21.524+00:002012-10-29T20:07:21.524+00:00Thank you for admitting this. As sad as it may be...Thank you for admitting this. As sad as it may be, I too am glad to know I am not the only who who Googled for help. It has been hard to admit, but I have struggled with my oldest daughter since my second child was born. Maybe that is because it was then that I realized how incredibly difficult my oldest was. I now have a third child, and again, my oldest is my challenge. She is extremely strong-willed, defiant, argumentative, and aggressive not only at home, but also at church and preschool. I am so embarrassed by her behavior and feel that it is a reflection of my parenting. But when I look at the ease of raising my two other children, the feelings of guilt with my oldest child turn to blaming her for being innately difficult. Watching her with other children her age, I can see she is different. She is also very intelligent and academically far ahead of her peers. I have considered having her evaluated for something, anything, not to give her an excuse, but to help me be more understanding of why she is the way she is.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-25033215640873341292012-10-14T18:26:24.313+01:002012-10-14T18:26:24.313+01:00Seems I'm not alone in googling 'what to d...Seems I'm not alone in googling 'what to do when you don't like your child'. I read through the posts, sometimes taking comfort, sometimes feeling the bottom drop out of my stomach. My 10-year old daughter is a handful. She is a huge strain on our family as she has a negative attitude about everything. It seems everything we try backfires and becomes a game for her. We are concerned about mental health issues and constantly worry about our older daughter who has to live in such a tense environment. Perhaps the most difficult part is nighttime when the guilt hits. Why do I feel this way? What could I have done differently? Why can't I just love her? Sigh...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-40906059855364431112012-09-27T05:15:05.361+01:002012-09-27T05:15:05.361+01:00Thank you all for sharing your stories. It is reas...Thank you all for sharing your stories. It is reassuring to know I am not alone. I really appreciate the update, it gives me hope that my 6 yr old might change or at least my attitude towards him can. I see improvements all the time but its hard to appreciate the little victories in such a overwhelming war. I really loved the comment that I was paired with this child for a reason. I will work to remember that next time I feel defeated. Parenting is not for the weak and it is refreshing to see such honest strength.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-38563167483593476012012-07-25T21:06:55.046+01:002012-07-25T21:06:55.046+01:00Hi. Thanks for your reply. I won't do anything...Hi. Thanks for your reply. I won't do anything silly. I just have to get through this and come out the other side. XAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-36774524559204398522012-07-25T21:05:14.941+01:002012-07-25T21:05:14.941+01:00Hello. Thanks for your comments n hope i didn'...Hello. Thanks for your comments n hope i didn't worry you. It is just such a tense time its hard to keep focused but i am not going to do anything drastic. Sitting down to a glass of wine having got an angry boy to bed (another night of the same). I am practising calmness but he certainly pushes me to the limit. Lets hope in a few years i can write on your blog some positive comments!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-76507728411151852822012-07-05T22:48:07.081+01:002012-07-05T22:48:07.081+01:00anonymous - just saw your comment. Life would defi...anonymous - just saw your comment. Life would definitely not be better for any of your children without you being here. I want to let you know that two years on from writing this post, my son is now lovely. He still has his moments, but he has blossomed into an amazing boy who I love with every fibre of my being. I don't know whether it was him growing up or me being more willing to accept him for who he was, or a combination, but it is so much better. I do hope it gets better for you too.Home Office Mumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18248456622235889204noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-42053886421241601332012-07-02T20:13:06.689+01:002012-07-02T20:13:06.689+01:00Hi. It seems as though there are a lot of you out ...Hi. It seems as though there are a lot of you out there going through the same thing and this is reassuring. However as a mum of a 6 yr old who has made life incredibly difficult since the age of 18 month, i was hoping for a magical cure to transform him! I have tried so many different methods but it always resorts back to shouting n screaming. Then a feeling of guilt. Friends and family say its a middle child thing which drives me crazy. Until u live with it no one can fully understand how depressing this situation is<br />When he is good he is lovely but most of the time we tread on egg shells around him. Tonight for example has resulted in my husband saying we can't go on like this even if it means my son living with his grand mother. We are now not speaking to each other. I can't stand it either but nothing seems to work. My other kids get the brunt of it and no one ends up happy. If i am truly honest i often wonder if life would be better not being here. XAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-31477738457855973772012-02-17T23:20:13.844+00:002012-02-17T23:20:13.844+00:00Thank you, as a family therapist I know all the th...Thank you, as a family therapist I know all the theories, but the reality of admiting that I donĀ“t even like my 11 year son was almost to much to bear. I am so greatful to be able to read and share with other mums. I have come to the conclusion that my son feels I love him when I yell at him. However many times I promise that I will be calm, and controlled, he provokes until I lose it. Only with me and nobody else. I know the theory but the reality of living with this day in day out for years is truly exhausting. Is boarding school the answer? I think being able to tell my husband about my feelings tonight, have opened the flood gates. Hopefully I can start to be able to see more clearly. XXAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-77196217988287576832011-12-04T17:11:46.351+00:002011-12-04T17:11:46.351+00:00As everyone else...I found this blog by googling &...As everyone else...I found this blog by googling "not liking my child". <br /><br />I have three kids. My oldest bio son is 17 and I adopted a sibling group. Adopted son is now 13 and adopted daughter is not 12. We had the adopted sibling group since they were 2 and 1. <br /><br />From day one, my adopted son hated females. We wondered if he carried the scares from the abuse of his bio mom. <br /><br />Through out the years...he's hit teachers, principles, classmates. HATES his sister and REALLY HATES me. My husband is the only one he really seems to like. <br /><br />Now that he's in middle school...he's had numerous detentions, in school suspension 4 times...and suspended from school once....all due to stealing and fighting. <br /><br />He is in therapy. He sees a psychiatrist once a month and a horse therapist weekly. His horse therapist doesn't even know what to do anymore. <br /><br />I am ashamed of admitting this....but I don't like him. My life has been torn so upside down. My husband and I now fight over the stupidest things. <br /><br />My other two kids are soooo easy going and such a joy to be around. They bring out the best in me. <br /><br />I guess I had to really get this off my chest.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-11986220609347918492011-11-20T16:40:43.034+00:002011-11-20T16:40:43.034+00:00I read many of these comments thinking,this sounds...I read many of these comments thinking,this sounds just like my son.I have an eight year old son who acts like he hates me on a daily basis.I could say the sky is blue and he will argue about it.This has been going on since he was about teo years old.His anger is so bad that he has actually kicked holes in doors in my house.He is defiant about everything.We have been to 3 different chld psychiatrists who say there is absolutely nothing wrong with him.He was on medication for about five years that did nothing.I have an older son who is thirteen and a wonderful,carefree child.Doesnt give my husband or I any problems.In my heart, I really do love my eldest more than my youngest.How can you love someone who drives you to tears daily?I feel so depressed over the lack of relationship my son and I have.He wants nothing to do with me.I try to give him a hug and he wont come near me.I cant even touch him without him pulling away.There are many days, and Im ashamed to admit this,that I just wish he would go away.That this would make my life better.Some days I regret having him.Honestly if I had known then what I know now,I would not have had a second child.Children are supposed to bring light to oyur life, not darkness.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-43877061642240133592011-10-24T15:41:21.067+01:002011-10-24T15:41:21.067+01:00I read a blog of yours when I searched for "W...I read a blog of yours when I searched for "When you don't like your child" online. I was overjoyed to know I am not the only one who feels this way.<br /><br />I am from Minnesota, USA. I have been struggling with my son since he was one. We have a daughter that is 18 months older than our son, and she is just a joy in every way. He was a wonderful baby, very enjoyable and happy until he learned to talk and get around-he then wanted to be independent, yet clingy. Since that point, it seems that he is identical to your son. I am happy to know that I am not the only person on the earth to ever feel this way, and I would like to know how to change it. Obviously, I am not going to be able to change my 9 year old, so I must be the one to initiate the change.<br /><br />He is lazy, rude, tries to push my buttons as many times as possible throughout the day, he hits, screams, cries, throws tantrums like a two-year-old, and doesn't think he should have to do anything except play, watch TV, and do what he wants. We homeschool our children, which is very frustrating, because I have no time away from him. He has a fit every time I say it is time to do our lessons. He is irrational, disruptive, and in your face. I cannot even use the restroom without him coming in and talking right in my face about something-good or bad. He can be very sweet and caring at times, and I try to focus on those times, but it is hard because they are so far and few between. <br /><br />We seem to butt heads immediately in the morning and it gets worse throughout the day. I find he is breaking my spirit in general and is destroying our relationship. We have times where we get along and when I notice this is happening, he is behaving like other children-listening, obeying, being helpful, etc. It is refreshing when this happens, but is usually a 2-3 day ordeal and then is over for another couple months or so. Thank you so much for posting this and being the first brave soul to say so. For all of you other mothers that posted as well, know that you aren't alone, and just talking about this so openly will hopefully help all of us. Good luck to everyone!Shellynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-17155119965433877862011-10-12T11:44:20.101+01:002011-10-12T11:44:20.101+01:00I am ashamed that I came by your post by googling ...I am ashamed that I came by your post by googling "how to like your child"... A lot of what has already been said applies to me too: I love my first born (daughter, now nearly 6) dearly, I threw myself into being a mother, she was my world in the beginning, but from day 1 she was screaming for no reason, wouldn't let me cuddle her, was acting repulsed whenever I approached her, would never smile, was always grumpy, even when ill holding her was not an option, I had to stand by with much pain in my heart watching her cry/ yell/ calm herself down. I never knew what being wanted as a mother meant until my son (now 3 a half) was born... As a consequence, I can't seem to escape behaving differently with them: he brings out the best in me, she brings out the worst in me, every time. I am usually a very much liked person, so it must be her issues, rather than me, although as a mother I take it as my responsibility to try and break this pattern. I can't help feeling if we had been say classmates, my daughter and I would be the biggest enemies... What's worse is I take it as divine retribution/ someone placing a bad omen on me that my daughter should be the exact same kind of person as a my mother, whom again I love dearly, but because we're so fundamentally different, could never get along for more than 2 days. And now history repeats itself, only in the opposite way.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2133786582796275869.post-53545799613446300892011-10-04T05:14:18.586+01:002011-10-04T05:14:18.586+01:00Sounds like something that could easily be solved ...Sounds like something that could easily be solved with the appropriate use of a switch.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com