Friday, 22 January 2010

Seeking trade winds to fill my sails

It's a well known fact that the month of January sucks. Everyone is broke. Everyone is eating mung beans and tofu. Everyone is attempting to exercise. Everyone is trying to give up something they love. Everyone is ratty because of it. Everyone gets a few weeks in and thinks, sod it, and gives up on the giving up and then feels like a failure. Everyone just wants the cold to go away so that they can stop hibernating. (Everyone in the northern hemisphere anyway).

But this January seems to be worse than usual. Maybe it was the snow which delayed the start of the year. Nobody could really get into the swing of things with all the school closures. No-one attempted to go for a run because they'd break their neck on the ice. And no-one could contemplate a salad leaf when it was minus six degrees outside.

But the malaise seems to go beyond the lack of will power to diet and exercise.

I've seen three blog posts (Katyboo, Single & Surviving and Nappy Valley) this morning, all talking about apathy, the lack of oomph to get anything done and general blahness. These are the first three blog posts I've read in a while. Why? Because I've been too apathetic to read anything other than the Twilight series and too disinterested in even writing my own blog posts. I was tagged in two memes by Nappy Valley and Angels&Urchins and I've still not replied. I'm sorry. Utterly rude. What the hell is going on?

On the work front, I seem to have been making really good headway in spite of my desire to curl up into a catlike ball in front of the fire. But there is so much more I should be doing and just aren't. I had fantastic intentions this year to hit the ground running, to make sweeping changes, to get my life in order. I was going to get a man-pair. I was going to overhaul my business website. I was going to get a social life. And a new wardrobe. And I was going to launch a charity initiative to reduce wasted food and help feed starving children (having re-read that last one, it sounds like a piss take but I was actually serious about it).

Yet I have done none of those things. My man-pair pulled out and I can't be bothered to find a replacement. My website is the same, only more dated. Social life is sort of happening, only because other people have made it happen, rather than any effort on my part. My wardrobe is beyond dire and has no hope of improving anytime soon unless I stumble over a bucketfull of money. And the charity thing... well it's still sitting there glaring at me from my good intentions pile.

I can't even be bothered to cook, something I love doing. The children have had more hotdog sausages and toasted sandwiches this month than in the entire rest of their lives put together.

I am waiting for the fog of malaise to pass. Maybe it requires sunshine to do it. Maybe I'm just tired after a very busy year last year. Or maybe I just need to soldier on through to the end of January (only a week to go) and can then kick start my year. Not that February is known for it's loveliness either. But at least it's only 28 days long.

As I mentioned in the comments bit on a post by Katyboo called 'I'm in the doldrums', I have sailed through the doldrums. The doldrums are a frustrating place to be. You don't go anywhere fast. You feel as though you're going in circles, and often are, literally. You wonder if you'll ever get through them and are all out of ideas as to how to get out the other side. The only thing to break the listless drifting is the odd squall that brews up, giving you a few moments of exhiliration and the feeling that you're getting somewhere, only to return to more aimless bobbing along shortly afterwards.

But eventually, with a lot of patience and determination, you make it out of the doldrums and into the trade winds. You get a good head of speed up, you feel the wind in your face, you're moving forward towards your destination and everything feels possible again.

So I guess for now, I'll keep on helming as best I can and wait till I pick up those trade winds. Here's hoping you pick up a breeze soon too.

15 comments:

Ellen Arnison said...

Hmm. The other thing you can do when becalmed is thing "sod it" take the sails down and go below to put the kettle on.

Home Office Mum said...

Ellen - that is true. That's sort of where I've been leaning this month. Incidentally, tea on board a boat is always salty.

Dalia said...

You sound like me! I too work at home and that pretty much limits the social life. I have recently found blogging. I guess it is my 'break room'. Look forward to reading more on your blog. Come check me out www.generationxmom.com. I am just getting started.

nappy valley girl said...

I'm so glad it's not just me.....and don't worry about the mem, there is absolutely no hurry or even need to do it at all!

Home Office Mum said...

Hi Dalia - good to meet you. Thanks for stopping by. I'll pop over to yours to take a peek.

Nappy Valley - sorry for picking on you in the blog about apathy. I know you're not normally :-)

Nicola said...

Oh God - I have an award and 2 memes that i should/could respond to. January's typical gloom has been amplified this month - so my sluggish state seems more justified than usual. Still. Would be nice to have some trade winds filling my sails. Hope yours picks up soon - shame we don't live near and could spend the day sipping tea and enjoying a social mope together!

Home Office Mum said...

Nicola, i'd love that. By the way, I tried to post on comment on your Dr Disaster post but it wouldn't it (possibly because I used the word clitoris in it??) My advice: avoid him!

katyboo1 said...

good luck.xx

Potty Mummy said...

I know just what you mean. So much so that I can't even come up with a witty remark to leave in your comments box. Sorry!

angelsandurchinsblog said...

January is rubbish. Spare a thought for my brother whose birthday is on January 2nd. No-one is interested by then, everyone is on detox and skint.

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part mummy part me said...

Spring is around the corner, it won't be long until we all feel more buoyant and optimistic!

A Modern Mother said...

You man-pair left?! That's terrible. Chin up. You had a lot on last year. Relax and by February you'll be back again.

Home Office Mum said...

katy - thanks
angels&urchins - your poor brother. birthdays anywhere around Dec and Jan must be horrid

Chinese person - thanks for that spam

Part mummy - I really hope so. Like REALLY hope so

Modern mother - he never even started! just bailed. sigh. and yes, last year was a tad busy. Might explain things

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

January is a tough old month. All flat and no excitement. Especially for you who had such a whirlwind last year.

If you want you can come and visit us and get really bored in Bosnia instead. This time of year is RUBBISH, nothing to do and no fun. Can't wait for the summer.