Thursday, 17 June 2010

Pee'd off

I have spent many years moaning about men who leave the toilet seat up. It means I have to touch the filthy thing to put it back down. Or worse, don't notice that it's up, sit down and just about take a swim in the toilet.

However, now that I have two small boys I have a new complaint. It's this:

WHY THE HELL DON'T THEY EVER LIFT THE TOILET SEAT BEFORE THEY PEE??

I know why. They don't want to touch it either. And, more importantly, it falls into the category of 'too much effort'. Particularly as peeing is always left until the absolute final second, when they are forced to perform the pee pee dance, while shimmying their pants down. It's at this point that their pee shoots out of a fully out-of-control willy, like an angry fire hose, covering everything within a three metre radius of the loo.

Obviously being boys, they don't notice this. Or if they do, they applaud how far they can pee, rather than say: Bugger, I'd better clean that up before mum notices.

Which means that now, whenever I go for a pee, instead of falling into the toilet due to a lack of toilet seat, I sit down in a pool of pee. It's usually as I realise that the underside of my thighs are soaked that I notice belatedly that my socks are too....

I might as well take out shares in Dettol wipes as I feel I will be supporting the company for many years to come.

12 comments:

PantsWithNames said...

This did make me laugh. So true. Happens here too. Particularly the pool of pee coinciding with congratulations at the catherine wheel effect wee and little thought of who is going to clean it up. Maybe this is why men don't put the seat down. Their mothers have spent years training them to put it up in the first place. Sigh.

Nadia Is Cute said...

OMG. Aren't things the same from the other part of the world?

With love from Malaysia!

Clare Panchoo said...

About to start potty training with my boy - thanks for the glimpse of the future and though your blog made me LOL I doubt I will when it's my turn to sit or clear up the pee!

Lyndsey said...

Ah, from a home with two small boys myself, I feel your pain. I also often see the 'i need a pee' shuffle dance around the said toilet - surely after many times of doing this they'd realise they just needed to get there a little earlier. My solution, an ensuite & downstairs boy-loo when building work commences.

Sam Thewlis said...

hahaha. My 5 year old is a seasoned pee dancer but his aim is not *too* bad, most of the time. Having said that, I did walk in (literally) to a proper puddle sized puddle yesterday, and there was always that time when he weed up his nose because he got it stuck getting it out but neglected to turn off the flow...

Helen @ Business Plus Baby said...

My boy is still just a baby, not sure I'm looking forward to the next stage now :0)

nappy valley girl said...

It's the same here.

That is, when they make it to the toilet....usually they just head for the nearest tree. They'll even go out of the house to pee in the garden.....

Home Office Mum said...

pantswithnames - I guess that's exactly why men leave the loo seat up. Maybe there should just be separate boy and girl toilets in homes

NAdia - hello to MAlaysia. Glad to know it's the same the world over

Clare - good luck with the potty training. Perhaps you should keep him in nappies till he's 18 and avoid this entire issue

Lyndsey - no idea why boys don't realise that they need to pee before it's an utter emergency. Goes back to theory that boys will leave EVERYTHING to the last minute just in case they get hit by an asteroid making that trip to the loo a waste of time

Sam - I am fairly certain mine have had wee up the nose incidents too. It's when they get you in the eye that it's really not pleasant

Helen - Brace yourself

Nappy Valley - our garden is one big toilet. I used to get annoyed by it but at least if they pee on the grass it means they're not peeing on the bathroom floor. Silver lining and all that

angelsandurchinsblog said...

Have yours started doing 'how far can you pee' competitions yet? Almost makes me laugh, until they do it with a friend in tow each, or in the bath. The boys' have a tiled bathroom floor, and the grouting is distinctly wee-coloured in the area around the loo. Yeuch.

angelsandurchinsblog said...

Have yours started doing 'how far can you pee' competitions yet? Almost makes me laugh, until they do it with a friend in tow each, or in the bath. The boys' have a tiled bathroom floor, and the grouting is distinctly wee-coloured in the area around the loo. Yeuch.

monzegirl said...

It's the same here. I'm thinking of allocating male and female toilets so I can have my own! But, of course, it's never them that's created the puddle. We must have a pee fairy living here!

Home Office Mum said...

angels&urchins - we haven't had the how fast can you pee competitions but they do have 'sword fights' where they pee together and try to slash each other's pee streams. Nice

Monzegirl - we have the same pee fairy in our house. Must be a distant (and less popular) relative of the tooth fairy