Wednesday, 7 September 2011

Today is the first day of the rest of my life

So here I am. The children are back at school (hoorah!). My husband is at work. I have the house to myself. It's peaceful and quiet and lovely. This is what every day of the last few years has been like, the only difference was that I'd be working. Like a dervish.

I'd write out what I needed to fit into the six hours before my children needed collecting and then would attempt to squeeze all of it in. What's more, in September, my workload was normally astronomical as everyone returned from summer holidays and prepared for the Christmas season ahead.

But now, having sold my business, I'm not doing any of that. In fact, besides fixing the Dyson which had a blockage in it, putting on some laundry and doing an exercise video, I have absolutely nothing else that I HAVE to do today.

And it's freaking me out.

I never have nothing to do. I'm not one of those people who can do nothing. And at the back of my head, I have a list of things I could be doing, like fixing bicycle punctures and sorting out the photo albums and doing the paperwork filing. But none of those are urgent things. And perhaps that what I need. A sense of urgency rather than things to do.

There's also a small weight on my shoulders, which I imagine will grow steadily heavier, that I need to figure out what to do next. I need to get a job or start up a business or write a novel or go back to college or something. But I don't want to make the wrong decision and then end up regretting it. I do worry though, that indecision can quickly equal apathy and a lack of doing anything at all, which in turn equates to being poor.

But today is day one of being a lady of leisure. So I am going to give myself permission to just enjoy it, to revel in the feeling of having absolutely nothing I have to do. It takes some getting used to but I'm willing to give it a go.

P.S. you may have noticed a change in the look of my blog. I am not very techinically competent (possibly a new thing I could learn in all my spare time) so it doesn't look quite how I want it to. But it will do for now until I feel like paying someone to make a blog header for me. Let me know if you know of anyone who does that.


Kerry said...

Hellooo! Thought I'd stop by to say HI, as a fellow SAFFA living in the UK :) Hope you are enjoying your day.... I know how you feel, I sold my business too when I moved over here and was totally lost. Then I bought a pub and now barely get time to blow my nose. :) kerry x

Home Office Mum said...

Hi Kerry

Lovely to meet a fellow SAFFA. Wow - owning a pub. That must be mega hard work. Let me know which one it is and I could stop by with all my free time I have now. I'm not a million miles from Wiltshire.

Expat mum said...

I think you need a couple of weeks of yoga and meditation to learn how to chill out. N the meantime, "stuff" will expand to fill the hours in the day and before long you'll be looking back on this blog post with tears in your eyes!

Iota said...

Change is always a challenge. I know that "spare part" feeling, and it isn't nice. Unsetllting.

I'm sure you'll find something, but don't rush it. Meanwhile, the photo albums...

Perfectly Happy Mum said...

I am so jealous! I need one of those kind of days, unfortunately it is not happening for another week at least. Hope you are having lots of fun!

Anonymous said...

Definitely enjoy this time. You deserve it, you've worked hard enough. If I were you I'd relax and take some time to decide where to go next, it's not a decision you can rush, so you have permission to relax and take your time :)