Friday, 13 June 2008

Where do old emails go to die?

My deleted items folder in Outlook currently has 6921 items in it. They really do need to be permanently deleted (although the minute I do that I will need something incredibly important that no longer exists). But then I got to thinking: where do all those permanently deleted items go?

I mean one minute they're there, the next they're not. Is there an email heaven? And if so, surely there must be also be an email hell because there's no way emails with subject lines like: 'Want a bigger penis?'. Or 'Turn her into a pleasure machine' are ever going to make it into heaven.

Do you think deleted emails sit there chatting amongst themselves wondering when the Big Moment will arise when they'll be permanently deleted? Do you think they have counsellors to chat through their 'issues', or possibly feelings of depression at having been deleted in the first place? Do you think they're really envious of the other emails that made it into an important folder - like say one called 'Clients' or 'Jokes'. And do you think they laugh at those same important emails when they too finally get turfed into the deleted folder (which in my case is a very rare occurence) or perhaps they commiserate?

And what about the collective knowledge that those deleted emails contain? Wouldn't it be great if there was some way of siphoning off the cumulative intelligence (obviously dimished by some not very clever emails like the aforementioned viagra spam) which could be used to add extra virtual memory to your pc?

Sorry. I'll stop. My husband will no doubt think that this train of thought is on a par with my musings abour whether the last pea on a plate or chip in a bowl suffers from feelings of rejection or an inferiority complex.

But you know, I just wondered that's all.


CountryMom said...

Consider this. There is a big brother of all emails.They have time in the diary room. The Viagra ones are definitely going to win.

And to add another worry, how do you think peas feel when they are squashed between the tines of a fork? Surely thats going to hurt more than rejection?

Home Office Mum said...

Countrymom, you obviously have far too little to do in the country if you watch BB.

However, to answer your follow on question, getting squashed isn't an issue for peas AS LONG AS THEY'RE EATEN THEREAFTER. It is their destiny after all to be grown and eaten (chewing is not going to be any less painful than squashing with a fork). If it's mindless sqashing though, where they're simply squished and left to get dry on a plate - now that's just heartless. Even worse, being dropped off a fork, landing on the floor and being trodden on. Pea road kill. Such a tragic waste.

countrymom said...

What about the peas that want to go against the norm? They don't want to be eaten. They would like to see the world, paint a picture, fall in love.

And what of those peas that are mixed with carrots? Do they feel honoured by the company they now keep, or do they see themselves as superior, and worry that their quality and flavour is now diminished?

Oh to be a pea and know the answers to these life changing questions....

Home Office Mum said...

Good grief countrymom. I thought I needed to get out more...

Of course peas don't think that deeply. Have you seen how small they are? It's not like they've got much room in them for big brains now, have they?

Step away from the peas lady.