Not sure if it's the weather, the imposing spectre of the long winter ahead or just the fact that it's the second last month of the year, but I feel decidedly pphht. Sort of like the noise a balloon makes when the air is let out of it, only with less flying around the room.
It might be because for the first time in, gosh, 5 years I actually have more time than work to do. Well, I always have work to do, but not the pressing deadline driven stuff that I normally have. Which obviously means I do nothing. When I have an absolutely chockful day, I somehow always manage to do all my work, plus the laundry, bake cakes, blog etc etc etc. But now that I'm not so busy, I seem incapable of doing anything.
The kids are watching more TV than ever due to my eroding parenting standards. The house is littered with clothes that need picking up. The kitchen has received a cursory wipe down only - and most surfaces are thoroughly clatty. My blog has been left unattended (my business blog too). My office is a paper mountain. It all needs sorting out. But - I. Just. Can't. Be. Arsed.
It's terrible. What makes it even worse is that I'm not revelling in my doing nothing. I'm fretting about it. I'm sitting at the pc, doing nothing except worrying about doing nothing. Not even online shopping or reading of news. Just mooching. Everything I attempt, I give up after a half-hearted effort so that I have several openened but nowhere near completed things on my screen. And it's this feeling of lack of achieving anything that is driving me insane.
I would prefer to say to myself: Today I shall achieve nothing and just sign myself off for the day. Lie in bed and read a book. Take a walk. Watch crap on tv. But I don't. I say: today I shall achieve something. Anything really. And then don't.
Urgh. Someone kick me up the backside.
And while I'm having a moan and a whinge, where the hell did 2010 go? How is it November already and we have Christmas marching towards us at an alarming pace? In fact maybe that's the crux of it. Last year was so crazy that this year I purposefully decided to put the brakes on and do less. But now that I look back on it, I'm feeling as though I've actually achieved nothing much at all. Why do we have this perpetual need to achieve things? Why is sitting on your bum doing nothing not enough? Or perhaps it's just me.
So in the random way that this post is going (much like my past week), I shall attempt to think of the things that have defined 2010:
1 snowy trip to Scotland
1 long haul trip to New Zealand
1 very hot sailing holiday in Greece
1 big client launch with possibly the best coverage I've ever gotten for a client ever
1 big name client win
biggest turnover of my business life to date
putting house on the market
researching the possibility of moving to the USA
youngest son starting big school
actually having a real network of local friends for the first time
purchase of first ever cat suit and fierce high heeled shoes (these last items happened very recently in a bid to stop being quite so mumsy and I feel are worthy of a mention)
Not quite the same as sailing across an ocean the year before but not a shabby list now that I write it out. So why the blah? Probably because I know that there are things not listed on here that I should have done but haven't.
Inspire me someone. If only I'd mistakenly sat down on a firework on Bonfire Night. I need a bit of a rocket up my arse.