Thursday, 11 November 2010

Anyone seen my mojo?

Not sure if it's the weather, the imposing spectre of the long winter ahead or just the fact that it's the second last month of the year, but I feel decidedly pphht. Sort of like the noise a balloon makes when the air is let out of it, only with less flying around the room.

It might be because for the first time in, gosh, 5 years I actually have more time than work to do. Well, I always have work to do, but not the pressing deadline driven stuff that I normally have. Which obviously means I do nothing. When I have an absolutely chockful day, I somehow always manage to do all my work, plus the laundry, bake cakes, blog etc etc etc. But now that I'm not so busy, I seem incapable of doing anything.

The kids are watching more TV than ever due to my eroding parenting standards. The house is littered with clothes that need picking up. The kitchen has received a cursory wipe down only - and most surfaces are thoroughly clatty. My blog has been left unattended (my business blog too). My office is a paper mountain. It all needs sorting out. But - I. Just. Can't. Be. Arsed.

It's terrible. What makes it even worse is that I'm not revelling in my doing nothing. I'm fretting about it. I'm sitting at the pc, doing nothing except worrying about doing nothing. Not even online shopping or reading of news. Just mooching. Everything I attempt, I give up after a half-hearted effort so that I have several openened but nowhere near completed things on my screen. And it's this feeling of lack of achieving anything that is driving me insane.

I would prefer to say to myself: Today I shall achieve nothing and just sign myself off for the day. Lie in bed and read a book. Take a walk. Watch crap on tv. But I don't. I say: today I shall achieve something. Anything really. And then don't.

Urgh. Someone kick me up the backside.

And while I'm having a moan and a whinge, where the hell did 2010 go? How is it November already and we have Christmas marching towards us at an alarming pace? In fact maybe that's the crux of it. Last year was so crazy that this year I purposefully decided to put the brakes on and do less. But now that I look back on it, I'm feeling as though I've actually achieved nothing much at all. Why do we have this perpetual need to achieve things? Why is sitting on your bum doing nothing not enough? Or perhaps it's just me.

So in the random way that this post is going (much like my past week), I shall attempt to think of the things that have defined 2010:
1 snowy trip to Scotland
1 long haul trip to New Zealand
1 very hot sailing holiday in Greece
1 big client launch with possibly the best coverage I've ever gotten for a client ever
1 big name client win
biggest turnover of my business life to date
putting house on the market
researching the possibility of moving to the USA
youngest son starting big school
actually having a real network of local friends for the first time
purchase of first ever cat suit and fierce high heeled shoes (these last items happened very recently in a bid to stop being quite so mumsy and I feel are worthy of  a mention)

Not quite the same as sailing across an ocean the year before but not a shabby list now that I write it out. So why the blah? Probably because I know that there are things not listed on here that I should have done but haven't.

Inspire me someone. If only I'd mistakenly sat down on a firework on Bonfire Night. I need a bit of a rocket up my arse.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

I diagnose boredom. I lose my mojo from time to time (usually find it in a cardboard box under the spare bed if that helps?) Like you I spend my spectacularly busy times wishing I had time to push the hoover round, then when that time finally appears, I realise that I just don't really want to at all because it is very very dull and a love of hoovering is not the reason I have lots of qualifications and years behind me in a high powered job. Those are the times I waste hours shopping on eBay and looking at other people's gardens on google earth.
Sorry to sound a bit over enthusiastic about this. I have just taken on something that I LOVE doing, is solely for my own benefit, takes up far more time than I have to spare, uses my brain for the first time years, and is a THOROUGHLY good thing. I just don't really have the time for it. But - you know what? - I don't care. I will fit the minimal amount of other rubbish jobs I really can't get out of around it, will probably wish I had the time to push the hoover around, but will try not to wake at 4 am worrying about bits on the carpet.

Get back to busy and overcommitted, girl!
love
Josephine

Home Office Mum said...

Josephine - you are most likely right. I just need to find the Thing. Feel free to share your new found love so that I can be inspired

Anonymous said...

Photograms.
Actually I am hoping to do a photography A level - arty, techy, I get to use the swanky camera dh bought me for Christmas and learn to use it better and spend half a day a week with a couple of my best friends. Seriously the most fun I can remember having for YEARS.

Did you check in the shed for your mojo?

love
J x

Home Office Mum said...

Fab idea. I think I should go back to school and learn to do something new. I am bored of my skills. I need new ones

Muddling Along Mummy said...

Could it be down the back of the sofa?

I think its a lot to do with the time of year - cold, wet, miserable, too housebound

Are you getting a bit bored? Would getting out and getting some fresh air help? Or getting started on Christmas?

Good luck

Trevor Ginn said...

Hi,

Are you interested in writing review? My name is Trevor Ginn and I run the online nursery shop www.hellobabydirect.co.uk. If yes is the answer, tell me what age your boys are are and I will make some suggestions

Trevor

nappy valley girl said...

I'm like that; if I'm not busy I get really introspective and start wondering where on earth I am going with everything. And if I am busy, I'm stressed.
But you said it yourself; you've achieved some really amazing things this year. And next year could be very exciting, couldn't it (just what is happening with the move young lady?)
x

monzegirl said...

Once again, you've put into words the exact same thing I feel on occasion. But listing the things you've achieved, I'm not suprised. I think your body & mind are telling you to take stock and REST. It is allowed! Jo x

Metropolitan Mum said...

It must be that time of year. I am almost sure you'll find your mojo together with mine down at the pub. x

Home Office Mum said...

muddling along mummy - Christmas is abroad this year so not much for me to prepare. Perhaps that's why I'm feeling lost

Trevor - no thanks. But thanks for the offer

Nappy valley - still undecided but looks like if it's going to happen, we'll be coming in the summer in time for school year start

Monzegirl - i know, and the day after I wrote this post, instead of working, I lit a fire and read a book about writing novels. it was lovely

Metropolitan mum - my mojo has probably ordered a mojito and is just waiting for me to catch up

Lisa said...

I'm exactly the same at the moment. I have a 9 week old and unless I have to go out for a specific time or have visitors coming, I don't have the motivation to do anything, and yet complain that I haven't had the time to do anything! If anyone has any spare motivation, I'd love for you to send some my way!

Home Office Mum said...

Lisa - you have a 9 week old baby! You have a perfectly valid excuse for not wanting to do anything other than sleep woman

TheOnlineStylist said...

I know what you mean exactly... I have felt the same for the last couple of days and it's turning me into a terrible procrastinator. And I hate that... so then I want to kick myself around the room.. which at least mean that I achieved something I guess. Get that jumpsuit and heels on girl.. definitely worth a mention! x