What to pack for long haul flights...with kids

I feel as though I am reliving those final days before I headed off across the Atlantic. The last minute mania of trying to finish off work, hand it over, pack, write lists and organise everything down to the last detail.

Only this time I'm not heading off on a grand, scary adventure on my own, leaving my children behind for 6 weeks. No, this time .... they're coming too.

And this time, it's only 3 weeks and doesn't involve a boat. This time we replace lengthy boat trip with lengthy flight. All 26 hours and 10 minutes of it. Yes, that's 26 hours and 10 minutes with two small boys trapped in a confined space. I don't know whether to just get hideously drunk or whether I should concentrate on getting everyone around us blotto.

You see, we're flying to New Zealand to at long last visit my sister and mother. I am sure that I will love New Zealand. It looks like a very lovely place from the brochures. And it will be fantastic to see my family. But did I mention that it is on the exact opposite side of the globe, only lower down, from where we live?

I've reached the point where I've handed over all my work, but now have THE PACKING to do. First I have THE IRONING to do. Most people say, sod the ironing, it'll all be creased when you get there anyway. Probably. But there's a difference between ironed creased and unironed creased. And faced with crinkly jeans with jetlag, I'd rather just do it now. So that is tonight's little task. It's only 7.20pm and I'm already on my second glass of wine. This is a fleeting insight into my current frame of mine.

Tomorrow shall be the grand packing day. Packing what to take is fairly easy. Shorts and t-shirts that haven't had a look in around here for many months. Plus the odd jumper. And my new bikini. Yes - that's a bikini. Why? Because it's New Zealand. Very, very far from where I live so no problem right?

No, it's the on-board plane bag that takes artful packing.

Let's see what must go in it:

• snacks. check. jelly worms and mini cheddars. I was angling for healthier options as they really don't need sugar in a confined space, but these will at least shut them up albeit briefly, whereas raisins would be declared rabbit poos and flung around onto neighbouring passengers.
• entertainment: I've bought Mr Men Top Trumps (five in one brucy bonus card set thingy), Peppa Pig carry along colouring set and activity book with plenty of puzzles, word searches etc. These were meant to be a surprise. Me unveiling them at their peak of painfulness with a Ta Da! Except they've seen them and have been nagging all week to play with them.
• entertainment cont.: I am relying on the largesse of Air New Zealand in the provision of many in-flight DVDs and kid friendly games to play. This is cutting down on my packing.
• cleaning aids: liquid alcohol gel stuff to get rid of germs which we're going to suck straight into our nostrils via the on-board air conditioning, but you know, at least I'm making an attempt to avoid illness; wet wipes - because no wise mother travels without them; change of clothes for children because at least one of our 17 meals on board will land on their laps
• comfort: pjs for all three of us. I know. The shame of wearning my Tesco tracky bottoms in public, but needs must when it comes to long haul comfort. Same goes for baggy top in which no-one will notice that I've taken my sodding uncomfortable bra off. (please tell me I'm not the only person who finds bras a modern form of chinese torture?)
• comfort continued (because it's important): the lovely new Yondis from the makers of Trunki. I wrote to the good people of Trunki and told them that I was going to have to fly for 26 hours and 10 minutes with two children and they kindly sent me two Yondis, which I am hoping (wishing, praying) helps them to sleep. I shall report back on this.
• Book: for me. Because I'm an optimist in thinking I might actually get to read it.
• Medicines: Ideally I'd like to take a litre of calpol, the same of medised and liquid piriton for the kids, plus a jumbo box of airsick tabs and several dozen paracetamol for me. But given the liquid limits on board and the fact that they might think I'm running a drug smuggling operation (I am according to Waitrose who refused to sell me calpol, paracetamol and aspirin in one sitting lest I try to top myself), I'll probably opt for paracetamol for me and airsick tabs for the kids.
• Beauty: eye drops and face cream (obviously 100 mls or less) so that I don't frighten small children and elderly pensioners when I get off the plane on the other side looking like a vampire. Possibly a comb too. You know. Papparazzi and all that.
• Other important stuff: like tickets and passports and insurance and other mission critical bits that I will forget, voiding the entire mission.

I'm sure there's more. About another 50kgs worth, but now the iron is singing my swan song and I must away. Wish me luck.

PS - whoever the lovely person was who nominated me in the MAD blog awards, thank you very much. I looked at the categories and thought: oh well, there's no category for mad woman who wibbles on about something and nothing so that's my shot gone, and now look. Someone has gone and nominated me. Very kind. So thank you.

The problem with having a far flung family

Here's some background. My father, stepmother and two half brothers live in South Africa. One of my sisters lives in Ireland, the other lives in New Zealand along with my mother and stepfather. I live in the UK. Let's just say that we don't often have family get togethers. Asking my children's grandparents to babysit isn't an option. And I always need to look at the last posting days for Christmas cards well in advance as it's some point in October.

In an attempt to let my children see their grandmother and auntie for about the second time in their lives, I have been looking into going to New Zealand, a place I've yet to visit despite the fact that my sister has lived there long enough to sound like a local. There have always been good reasons why I haven't yet gone.

First I was young and poor and starting to climb the career ladder. Then I moved to the USA. Then I got married so my finances were stretched for some time. Then we moved to the UK and started a new job/found new house etc. Then I got pregnant. Had baby 1. Ten months later I was pregnant again. I had two under twos. I had little sleep and even less sanity and there was no way I would have survived a 30 hour flight with them. Then we moved house again. Then we were flooded. And now here we are.

Now I have a 4.5 year old who will be 5 by the time I plan on going. And a 3 year old. Both with the inability to sit still for a nano second (unless they're poorly in which case they just vomit on people). The thought of the 30 hour flight still makes me want to grab a large meat skewer and plunge it into my wrists. The adjustment of the billion time zone differences with two boys who don't sleep at the best of times makes me exhausted just thinking about it. And even if we have the best, most relaxing holiday in the whole world ever (which it probably won't be as there won't be hot and cold running slaves waving palm fronds over me while someone entertains my children), any feelings of calm will evaporate the minute we board for the return flight home.

But ignoring all of that. Assuming that I want to put myself through a catastrophic amount of stress, the bottom line is that the cost of four airline tickets to New Zealand could buy you a nice small car. And that's flying DodgyAsianairline.com or Quantas which seems to have planes falling out of the sky on a daily basis. The flight prices themselves look reasonable. It's the sodding taxes. They're the same price as the flights. All well and good for protecting the environment blah blah but what's the point of having a nice environment if you can never get there to see it??

My computer screen image is burned onto my retinas such is the amount time I've spent surfing travel websites, flicking between airlines, resorts, tour operators and tripadvisor, with the latter normally sending me back to stage 1. I give up. I despair. I don't know how we will ever get to New Zealand unless someone invents one of those Star Trek 'beam me up' machines or some very strong tugboats tow New Zealand and the UK closer to each other. I wouldn't mind if they towed the UK further South. In fact they could tow it somewhere between Mauritius and the Seychelles. They could pull NZ to just below the Maldives. Everyone would be happy.

I'll take your suggestions on a post it note as to how to resolve this dilemma. Just so you know, I've already ticked off:
- let them come to us. Done
- win the lottery. Tried and failed
- meet halfway. A possibility but still doesn't get around me not ever having been there.
- stuff the children into suitcases to save on ticket costs and on-board stress. Tempting, but I think the NSPCC might have something to say about it.