Tuesday, 16 September 2008

What happens when you go to jail and other interesting conversations

I think I might start to enjoy my children soon. They're becoming all grown up and can have actual conversations that are relatively interesting. What's more, they make me feel omnipotent, as though I am the world's most intelligent human being because I can answer things like: what happens when you go to jail?

Before you get excited, no I don't have first hand experience of prison, but son 1's godfather is a prison officer so I feel very well informed. I told them that you sit in a small room called a cell that has big bars on it so you can't get out. But you are allowed out for some meals and some fresh air in the yard where you might do some exercises (think I've watched a few too many prison flicks). You could have heard a pin drop such was the gobsmacked silence from the two of them for about 5 seconds as they took it in. Then a barrage of questions unfolded.

How do they get locked in? A big key
How do they get out? Same big key
Are they allowed breakfast? If they're good
Do they stay in prison forever? Not with today's current overcrowding situation
Why do you go to prison? Because you do something bad
Like what? Sigh. Like stealing.
Or killing someone? Yes.
How do they kill someone? Let's not talk about that now just before bedtime.
Can they get tools and escape from prison? Well yes occasionally, but then your godfather (codename: Captain Haddock) would catch them.

Silence. Does Captain Haddock really catch prisoners? Yes. Sort of.
Wow. Stunned silence. Captain Haddock expect many, many questions next time you come to visit.

All of this came about as a result of a reading a book called Icky Doo Dah and the Royal Bling or something. And Icky Doo Dah wasn't a particularly nice chap who stole some jewels and then tried to blame it on a dog, cat and fish. This in itself led to a very interesting conversation about how fish couldn't really steal jewels because they can't really walk. Son 1 believes they can. I proceeded to explain how gills worked, once again proving my incredible awe-inspiring knowledge.

I do believe that my children now think they have the cleverest mum on the planet. I used to think that when I was little. Not only could my mum sew and cook and do DIY, she knew the answers to everything. I now question whether she truly did know the answers to everything (sorry mom) - but at least she could sew and do DIY which a lot more than I can do.

I hope that my children's belief in my super wisdom lasts for some time but I fear that they might become sceptical quite soon, far too soon for my liking. But at least for now we can have good conversations - where they can ask reasonable questions and I can give whatever answers I like and everyone leaves happy. Fabulous.


Anonymous said...

Ahhh, enjoy the moment, as it doesn't last very long. Daughter 1 recently had to make a 3-d model using cuboids, rhomboids, cylinders, cones and spheres. After about 5 minutes of me trying to just understand the assignment, she anounced that I was "stupid" and could she just go onto Google and get the information that she needed. That said, she still believes me when I tell her that a magic fairy comes to get her fallen out teeth, and the more detailed the discussion about said fairy becomes, the more she seems to believe what I say. Perhaps I shall declare my area of expertise to be fairies, and leave the mathematics to google!

katyboo1 said...

My children all know I am a bumbling idiot, but they do believe that their granny is the fount of all wisdom. Once ex-husband got very fierce when one of the children pronounced something and said: 'Where did you hear that nonsense?' to which the reply came: 'From granny.' He sighed and said: 'Well, granny doesn't know everything.' at which point he was blasted with a barrage of abuse by said child for being a total idiot...

Welsh Girl said...

Hmm, think your godfather choices were better than those of my parents. My godfather went to jail for fraud..... Excellent moral guide.

Home Office Mum said...

Anon - I know, I have a brief window of opportunity in which to flex my superior brain power so I will exploit it fully

Katyboo - I don't need a granny usurping my power thanks (but sweet of your kids to defend her). Now when the time comes for physics lessons, I might start ringing around for reinforcements.

Welsh - take heart that your godfather probably did give you a good moral steering by physically showing you what happens when you do something wrong. I think he's taken his godfatherly duties very seriously indeed. You should probably send him a card.