I've decided that there are certain things in life that have been put here just to annoy me. Small little daily irritations that will eventually cause me to blow a blood vessel in my brain and my obituary will read: killed by a stapler that wouldn't staple. Or similar.
Here are just some of the little annoyances that are slowly chipping away at my tenuous grip on sanity:
- the handle on the kids' chest of drawers that comes off everytime I try to open it, which means in order to get the drawer open, I have to grip a screw with my fingers causing painful indentations that seem to be turning into permanent marks now
- the aforementioned stapler (in fact collection of staplers) that just won't staple. It might be because the children believe staplers are in fact power tools and attempt DIY with cardboard boxes and plastic dinosaurs held together with staples.
- my lip plumping gloss (blogged about here) which, due to its very weird uber sticky texture, all clings to the application wand so that when you try to put the lid back on, it all squishes out the top.
- my computer. It makes snails and sloths look like hurried gad-abouts. I hate the way it constantly wants to update itself with the latest version of something or needs to run an automatic spyware scan, which invariably means it requires every ounce of computing power it has, leaving me counting the cobwebs in my study as I wait for a single email to open. I hate it so very much. But if I get a new one, I would have to start all over again getting things set up and the very thought simply sucks out my meagre will to live.
- looking for missing things. A) it's annoying not finding what you want B) it's even more annoying when you start to look for things in ridiculous places like the inside of a marmite jar and actually believe you might find something
- my husband's allergic reaction to dishwashers. I've mentioned before that we appear to have a magnetic forcefield around the dishwasher which repels men at a thousand paces. Dirty plates go IN the dishwasher, not ON the dishwasher dear. Incidentally, pesto lives IN the fridge. Not ON the counter.
- the light in our bedroom that doesn't work, forcing us to use our little bedside lamps for illumination, which doesn't encourage good make up application and drives me to the brink of insanity every time I flick the switch and expect the light to work despite knowing full well that it doesn't.
I could go on but this blog post was not meant to be mumbling like a grumpy old mare. It was meant to be me celebrating the fact that it's Friday. My husband is at his office party tonight, leaving me in charge of the TV remote control which means hours of utter trash for my viewing pleasure. Last night he was left in charge of the remote control as I went out and he watched:
- Band of Brothers (good series but he's watched it a million times and its about war)
- Some history programme on ancient ruins
- Old Top Gear
- Football match/sports day highlights.
Collectively called: Boy Viewing.
In contrast, my Girl viewing will be:
- The recorded 'Cheryl Cole factor'
- A home improvement and/or cookery show
- Something cringingly bad like ' Don't tell the bride' or 'Britain's missing top model'
Other reasons to be cheery: this weekend we get a Christmas tree. And there's only 3 more sleeps until the grand opening of Abbarella, which I am so excited about I can barely contain myself. Although I do think it's a bit unfair to charge us to come and watch our children perform their camp dance moves to the background strains of Waterloo. £1.50 a ticket. I'd have paid double though so I guess the PTA are fairly cunning.
And my weekend is starting early as my childminder rang to say she couldn't have son 2 this afternoon which is why I'm writing this while listening to the background strains of Peppa Pig's Big Balloon, Big Balloon song. So plenty to be cheerful about really. Must run, Peppa Pig has apparently run out.