Tuesday, 30 December 2008

Shit shit shit shitty shit shit

So there I was trundling towards 2009 with my biggest problem being that I now weigh 4kgs more than the weight that I begrudgingly accept as ok. I had stocked up on linseed, all bran and any other number of fart inducing, weight loss encouraging foods to be consumed with vigour come 1 Jan. Obviously there's still tomorrow to enjoy a final binge eat. I've even started jogging - yes, that's actual jogging - in a bid to fit back into my clothes.

I would ordinarily just rush out and buy some new clothes that fit. However, along came the big problem facing me in 2009. I don't know how this has happened. I feel like a complete and utter fool. And despite having had a large whiskey this evening, still don't think I am going to sleep at all well due to the worry of it.

You see, I run my own business. The part I like least is the financey bit. I'm rubbish at it. Rubbish. Capital R. Despite my being RUBBISH, I have always been very diligent about doing my invoices/expenses blah blah on time. And I thought I'd been good at putting money away for the tax fairies.

I also thought I was fairly aware of how much tax I'd have to pay come 31 Jan (let me spell that out for you - exactly one month's time). Apparently I wasn't. Apparently, I was living with my head shoved right up my arse admiring my colon. Apparently, I am a whopping great stupid twit.

I am too ashamed to say how much money I need to find in the space of 31 days. But suffice to say that we could re-thatch part of our house which desperately needs doing. I have no idea how I am going to get this money to pay the government so that they can squander it on something inane like a new flower bed for Rotherham City Centre to perk the locals up.

I am beyond angry with myself (and my accountant for not realising that I am a complete fool when it comes to all things financial and that he should have been sending me monthly warning letters saying: you REALLY ought to be putting more money aside to pay your tax bill).

I feel sick. I have a blinding headache. Had I known about this impending tax bill of horrific proportions, I would have cancelled Christmas. We would have had beans on toast. Possibly without the toast. I had booked myself in for some highlights and a fake tan tomorrow so that I could look lovely for our new year's eve pary. Both will now be cancelled. Am tempted to cancel the party only I've already bought the food. Sob. More money that could have gone to the tax man.

I hate the tax man. I hate having to be financially responsible and remember things like tax. I hate being a grown up. Full stop.

The only good thing about this - and one must try to find a silver lining in all things - is that I am now so poor that my new year dieting resolution will be easily achieved as I won't be able to afford food.

All charitable donations can be sent to homeofficemum@soontobehomeless.com

Sob.

6 comments:

katyboo1 said...

Ah! Total, total sympathy to you. I have been there with ex husband twice. Once when I was heavily pregnant and therefore unable to do anything at all to help except weep and vomit.
That sucks. I will make emergency food parcels. You will not starve.
xx

Home Office Mum said...

Thanks Katyboo. I have woken up with a small boulder sitting in the pit of my stomach. This is not good at all. Food parcels gratefully received (especially if they happen to fit into the low GI Diet).

Leilani Lee said...

Perhaps the tax people will accept a payment plan to make up what you owe? We are also self employed and have to make quarterly installments so we don't come up short, but sometimes Himself fails to do this. Ha. Not sure how that works in the UK but the IRS here will "work with you."

Home Office Mum said...

Lelani, I am really hoping that they will 'work with me'. It's either that or put me in jail - which would probably give me a nice rest.

Badness Jones said...

Oh honey. We're in the same boat, except it's Hubs who does the worrying here. Sometimes I wish I'd given in to my first impulse and clobbered Hubs when he told me he was quitting his job to start his own business. It'll be okay, and I'm sure that the tax people will work with you - it's the only way they'll ever get their money, after all. Hugs.

(oh - and nice to meet you, I came over from Callapipper Tree, I think that 'Shit shit shit shitty shit shit' may just be the best post title I've ever read and I just couldn't resist it.)

Home Office Mum said...

Hi Badness Jones

Nice to meet you. SOrry to hear you're in the same boat. It's not a particularly pleasant boat to be in. Lots of sucking up to tax officials coming up. What fun!